1/2 in the coffin..

haishhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..

Recently have been quite busy that i have NO time arh.. T_T..

Mmh.. though it's holiday now for the primary kids.. but arh.. i'm still teaching tuition.. =.=.. duhz arh.. i thought i will b resting.. but i'm not.. -.-.. Ooo.. but neber mind le.. still got income.. n for ONCE.. i choked up my hp bills to $180 arh.. n it's for ONE month.. i almost chua si.. tsk!.. neber ever i choked up so much for ONE month arh.. ><..

mmh.. going to have a BBQ outing during 12th dec arh.. n the planning is pissing mi off arh.. seriously i dun like to flare up in front of ppl n gif an attitude tone arh.. but sometimes when i have already plan the tinks nicely.. some ppl jus like to gif mi "SURPRISES".. n when they do that.. i will "BOMBBBBB".. T_T.. seriously i dun wan too.. but i jus can't control it arh.. it's like tis in EVERY case.. EVERYTIME.. there's tis problem.. i'm seriously tired of all tis le arh.. whenever i wan to plan ani outing for Bb~.. i will need to tink twice.. cos i dun wanna b disappointed once n again.. n as alwaes.. this BBQ outing isn't ani better.. though it's not as worse as last time.. but still.. it's BAD too..

haish.. y can't they jus understand the organiser feeling?!.. its realli heartbrking when my efforts is being throw down into the drain.. i dun expect them to say thanx or repay mi in ani way.. i jus merely wanted ATTENDANCE.. is that too much to ask for?!.. for the past outings.. it's alwaes last min.. therefore i dun realli blame them for not being able to turn up.. but tis time.. i have already gif such an advance notice.. but still.. i have late replies.. tis ppls realli noe how to dragggggggggggggggg n dragggggggggggggggg until the time is almost up.. shall i gif u all a trophy for being so PRO in dragging?!.. but after they drag so long.. still they can't confirm anitink.. is that so difficult to gif mi a response?!.. m i that scary that i will eat u up if u were to gif mi response?!.. m i so unfriendly to the extent that u all can't approach mi AUTOMATICALLY to gif mi ur replies?!.. do i need to act like a loan shark chasing for replies?!.. i dunno wat i can do to make tink better.. i did my best to help bring up everytink.. straining my brain to tink of outings.. straining my brain to tink of solution and ways to make tinks better in the guild.. but i can't clap alone can i?!.. i CAN'T.. everytink take 2 hands to clap.. if i were to stretch out my hand to make tinks better.. but u guys are not bothered abt it.. will i b able to succeed?!.. NO..

arh.. i dunno wat else i can say.. i'm totally speechless.. i noe that everyone has their own life.. n can't keep bothereing abt audi stuff.. but it's not audi stuff now.. it's a REAL outing.. i have my own life too .. but still i make the effort to contribute to Bb~ n not oni to Bb~ but to the friends around mi.. seriously.. i'm getting out of motivation.. i'm tired of chasing.. i'm tired of the disappointing turnout rate.. i'm tired of being treated as AIR when i blog or plan ani thing.. i'm tired of alwaes being the one who plan n initiated outings.. i'm jus FKING TIRED.. cos i dun get ani tink in return.. not as in monetary.. not as in compliments.. but appreciation.. at least.. if 4 out of 10 there's a full turnout rate.. i would b motivated enough to continue the planning n organising.. but there's NEBER once.. i c full attendance..

reason?!.. cos i'm forever fking being treated as AIR.. whatever i have said.. u all jus listen n let it out from the other ear.. n not bothered abt anitink.. until i chased for ans again.. can't u guys have some initiative?!.. is it so fking difficult to have that initiative?!.. is it realli so difficult to jus spent 1 min of ur time to gif mi an ans?!.. arh FK.. if i were to blog on tis.. i have TONS N TONS N TONS of tinks to blog.. but i'm seriously disappointed..

Once upon a time.....................

Once again.. i'm Booooorrrreeeeeedddddddd~..

Mmh..

recently everything that dun seems right is turning right now.. so yup.. hoho!.. i'm high.. tsktsktsk.. Oo.. is it better when i'm hyper high or is it better when i'm super duper low?!.. o.o..

Ooo.. it seems that most of the tinks that i dun like in the past is becoming a norm to mi now.. mmh.. is that a good or bad tink?!..

Jus a short list of what i can tink of..

In the past..

i dun like short post..
i dun like vulgurities..
i dun like emo-ing..

But now..

i'm alwaes posting short short post..
i'm immune to vulgarities..
i HEARTS emo-ing..

Ooo.. everything change for a reason.. n wat's my reason for changing?!.. i dunno.. haas..

Okie.. gonna go for tuition soon after i presented..

Ciaos~..









































Memememe~.. ^^..

Lovesss!

Mmh.. i have thought tink through.. n i decided on one tink.. ahahas..

From now on.. i shall return to my normal self arh.. okieokie.. ppl i noe u guys r excited.. n u all r dying to c the normal kazu or jasmine or kaizhen back.. so therefore.. I'm BACK!.. eh.. i'm alwaes here.. i mean my character of a carefree ger is back.. cos i have thought tinks through.. n have decided that watever that has happen or done.. is already done.. n happened.. therefore no point brooding over it n making myself unhappy abt it.. although sometimes the "xin ku" feeling is still there.. but the mood of ours is being controlled by ourselves.. so i shall control it n b happy everyday~.. as life still goes on no matter wat happen.. being happy is a day.. being sad is oso another day.. therefore i shall choose to b happy instead of being sad rite.. muahahahas..

To Lover: Loverlover.. i noe sometimes there's still tis weird atmosphere around the both of us.. but no matter wat.. we muz overcome it arh.. so that we will b the same as last time.. i will remember my promise to u.. n try my best to do it.. although sometimes i will still b alittle cold towards u.. but u noe i dun mean it.. aniwae.. there's no turning back of the tink animore le.. so let's put it behind n c wat we can do instead to solve n make tinks better okie.. let's jys together~.. x333s!..

Notink can b trusted..

I tink i'm kinda in a depression mode recently.. i can b emo for the whole day.. freak.. i seriously hate the emo feeling but than again.. i can't help it to feel emo.. if tis carry on.. i will end up having depression sooner or later..

i dunno wat i'm up to.. i knew that i shouldn't b doing things that way.. but still.. i'm doing it.. i realli hate myself for that.. i noe i shouldn't.. i noe.. but i jus can't bring myself to stop it.. i guess i jus need time.. n i will b able to do it.. i hope..

frankly speaking.. i'm realli glad that i alwaes have my family wif mi.. though they dunno what's happening to mi.. but whenever i'm on the verge of brking down.. they would alwaes suddenly appear.. i didn't noe that family is so important until i started to have all kinds of emo feeling.. i dun like to b down in front of my family members therefore whenever i'm emo-ing.. they would suddenly pop out and that stop my emo-ness.. though it's jus temporary.. but they are alwaes there whenever i need them.. realli grateful for that..

I tink i jus need time..

how i wish..

i noe i have said in the previous post that i wouldn't be emo.. but i jus can't help it.. so ppl.. jus pardon my emo post AGAIN.. i realli have no place to say out.. ><..
cos some things are not meant to be say out verbally.. as it's not easy to do it.. n typing is alwaes the best way i can express myself..

how i wish..

i dun exist in this world..

how i wish..

my heart is as hard as an iron..

how i wish..

i wouldn't b heartbroken..

how i wish..

i can b strong n strong n STRONG..

how i wish..

i will not fall in love easily..

how i wish..

i noe how to reject ppl..

how i wish i wish i wish..............................................................................

but will tis wishes ever come true?!.. it WOULDN'T..

i'm gonna be MIA-ing soon.. my mood recently had been very bad.. not as in hot temper.. but emo till the core.. n that's NOT ME!!..

I remembered ..

i was a happy ger..
i was a carefree ger..
i dun like emo-ing..
i alwaes dun like ppl emo-ing cos i dun like it..
i wun emo..
i'm veryvery good tempered.. even big big thing can't piss mi off..

but all tis all seems to be the past.. N i'm not the last time mi animore.. as for now..

I m....................

an unhappy ger..
an emo ger..
a ger who loves emo-ing..
a hot tempered ger.. even small tinks piss mi off..
a ger who can get emo in everytink..

jus so.. who m i now?!.. Jasmine lim kai zhen?!!.. i don't even noe animore.. i can't even recognized myself.. i wanted to turn for the better.. but in the end.. i ended up turning for the worse.. i hate it but i can oni blame myself.. y muz i be so concern on everytink?!.. y muz i b so mindful of the feelings of everyone around mi?!.. y muz i Y MUZ I!!.. i can't change it.. i CAN'T.. i wish i could.. but i dun wan to b a heartless fellow.. i dun wan to b a hack care fellow.. if i could.. i would have change it longlonglong time ago.. i wish to b heartless.. i wish to hackcare everytink around mi.. but i jus can't do it.. no reasons.. i jus can't.. cos it's in bond in mi.. i'm born to be so mindful n concern of everytink around mi..

Jus so i hope.. i can vanish in tis world..

i hope..

Ooooooooooh Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Gooodnessssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!...

I realise my previous few post is either emo-ing or angry.. Tsk arh.. tsktsktsk.. that's jus so isn't mi.. =.=..

Mmh.. my ahjie is coming back SOON.. hohohoho~.. *HIGH*..

I shall stop being emo n stop being sad over notink.. aiyo.. but sometimes.. when the nights fall.. the feeling jus came.. =.=.. i didn't want it either.. jus like the previous post.. it was posted as i was freaking emo arh.. seriously.. i tink i'm one veryveryvery contradicting ger.. but who's not a contradicting fellow?!.. ahhas.. i alwaes loves to b happy.. but than again.. i hearts the emo-ing feeling.. Ooo.. i dunno wat i'm toking .. =.=..

notink else to say.. taas~..

i'm jus weak..

lowlowlowlowlowlowlowlowlowlowlowlow...........

Other than tis word.. i've got notink else to describe my feeling now.. ><..
i dunno y.. but jus suddenly.. i feel so freaking low.. everytink seems to b tumbling down in my life when it isn't.. i guess.. i'm gonna b in depression soon.. if this carry on.. =.=..

jus recently.. i've been missing my ahjie more than usual.. after she left for the first few months.. it was still ok.. but till now.. i realise that as the days pass.. the more i missed her.. i didn't noe that i'm so freaking weak until my ahjie left for studies..

aniwae.. i dunno wat i can say now.. cos i'm basically flooding my rm..

o.o"

Ooo.. hoho.. my previous post is sosososososooooo tsktsk arh.. haiyo.. so mani vulgarities.. =.=.. super duper not nice lah.. wahlao~.. but aniwae.. i was damn pissed off at that moment.. so yup.. all of it came out.. as u all noe.. i ain't exactly a guai kia arh.. ahhas.. so when i'm freaking pissed by retarded ppl.. ESP retarded ppl.. i will become an ahlian.. dun doubt it arh.. n dun try mi.. if not later u all die flatflat arh.. hoho~..

ANIWAE!..

i have been having alot of tao hua yun recently.. =.=.. i dun even noe y.. i SWEAR i didn't hong (flirt).. i realli DIDN'T.. *swears!!!*.. but they jus came like one tuu tuu train arh.. each station one.. like as if every station i go have one arh.. CCK one~.. Bukit Batok one~.. Bukit Gombak one~.. Yew tee one~.. ( all the above are examples.. not as if the ppl who flew near mi live there arh.. dun imagine too much.. tsktsk..)

Mmh.. Basically.. i'm so freaking bored now.. =.=.. i'm SUPPOSED to b listening in class.. n i didn't.. hoho~.. i'm a "good" student.. i said i was arh.. i was listening to wat the teacher was saying jus now.. hoho~..

Alrite.. gonna go for ut.. i shall update again if i'm bothered n have the mood too..

Aniwae..

+++ TEETEE!.. i update le arh.. ahhas.. +++

Taas~..

Loves everyone.. ^______________^..