it's neber ever ending..

mmh.. i wanted to change the blogskin.. n after looking around for like 1 hrs?!.. i still can't find ani that i take any fancy into.. =.=!.. therefore i shall keep it as it is until i find ani that i fancy..

Aniwaes it's kinda boring to alwaes blog.. therefore u all can c that i ain't blogging every now n than.. cos i dun even have ani idea wat to write.. i can't b possibly blogging by starting off wif hi n than pics n than bye rite?!.. which i wouldn't wan to either.. so yup.. it's oni when i have tinks that is bugging mi , when i m simply too bored or when ppl requested that i update that i will blog..

Alrite.. today topic shall be on tis big word..

~CONTENTED..~

mmhs.. in the past, i tink that i'm a ger who's easily contented.. but as i grew older.. i realised that.. i'm getting not easily contented animore.. i started to dun even noe what i wan animore.. that's bad isn't it.. haas.. but tis is wat i m now.. sometimes i noe exactly what i wan.. but sometimes i jus seems to not even noe what i wan animore n i'm jus confused n lost in somewhere in the middle world.. becos of the tinks that are around mi.. my friends, families n everytink.. that's y.. it's not alwaes good to be easily influence by the tinks around u.. of course.. it may b good sometimes.. as u can adapt easily.. but it's oso bad too as ur tinking will varies according to the things and people around u.. n when u have already make ur decision on somethings, ani small issue would set u tinking n u would than reconsider ur decision again.. when tis happens.. it will be a neber ending cycle as things and people around u would b protraying different tinks..

Aniwae.. i have been randoming ever since my sis left for perth.. so tis post is oso a random post too.. the contents are oso random.. so jus dun mind it even if it doesn't go with the flow..

Toking about my sis.. it's been 2 months since she's not beside mi.. haas.. can't imagine that i actually manage to not cry for weeks.. mayb my tears have dry up on the day when she left for perth.. cos i have done exactly what i have said.. that's to flood singapore.. therefore.. i'm left with no more tears to cry animore ever since that day.. haas..

Life without her beside mi.. is definitely a torture for mi as i'm already used to having her beside mi for 20 yrs..

Cos she's alwaes there............................................................................

to solve my things for mi..
to listen to mi when i have troubles..
when i need advice..

N......................

she's jus ALWAES THERE whenever i needed her regardless of anitime, anitink, everytink..

But no matter what happens.. life still has to go on.. though i'm leading my own life now.. but i still can't forget the fact that she's not beside mi and she can't possible fly nxt to mi when i need her..

I may seems..................................................................

Happy..
Mad..
As if i'm fine wif everytink..
Strong..

But....................................

Deep down in my heart..

i still need my pillar.. which is my sis..

without her..

i'm as if.. living jus exactly like a siao cha bo.. randoming with everytink.. as madness makes mi temporary forgets all my troubles and my missing for her..

I dunno y.. but i can b very affectionate to all my friends.. but whenever it comes to my families.. i jus can't be affectionate.. it jus feel so weird being affectionate to them.. even though i love them ALOT.. way way LOTS.. to the extent that i cannot live without them.. but i jus can't seems to say it out..

therefore even though i miss my sis alot.. i wouldn't be saying all tis out when she calls mi on the fone sometimes.. i have alot n alot of things to say to her.. but my head would alwaes b in a blank when she calls.. n in the end.. we will end up toking about random things n out daily lifes..

i alwaes wanted to tell her how much i miss her.. how much i wish that she didn't go for her studies n would stay beside mi.. so that i can c her everyday.. let her nag at mi everyday when i do tinks that agitate her.. let mi bully her.. n play around wif mi when i'm bored..

2 months isn't very long.. but it isn't short either..

I thought that i wouldn't b missing her after a while.. but till now.. i would still miss her.. n it's not jus missing a little.. it's not even alot too.. it's neber ending..

i can't be left alone for long.. as i would start tinking about her.. i'm alwaes fine when i'm in sch or with friends.. cos i'm kept occupied.. but when i'm alone.. i would start tinking again.. it's jus neber ending.. i thought that i have already got used to her not being beside mi.. but it was neber tis case.. my missing for my sis is neber ever gone.. it's alwaes there.. jus that it's being hidden somewhere.. n whenever i'm alone.. it will pop out again.. n than.. i will start going bonkers..

I'm jus going crazy n mad now.. cos i miss u way way too much..

But becos u r not beside mi now..

I learned to..............

Be independent.. (though not fully but better than last time.. )
Do things by myself..
Not rely on ppl too much..
Solve things by myself..

which i noe that u wanted mi too.. n so i'm doing it.. though i'm still very "nuan" sometimes.. but i'm still doing it.. n i will learn as i go down the road...

Ok..

I shall stop typing before i flood my own rm..

I neber ever stop missing u..